Well I took quite a tongue lashing last night at E-Town over my lack of posting. I have decided that my “lack of posting” is actually code for “listen, I am a lazy peice of shit and despite my promises, you will be lucky to get one post a week out of me.” Whew, I am glad I got that off my chest. However, I would like for God to put more on my chest in the form of boobies. Seems like a fair trade, eh?
There have been a lot of things occuring over the last few weeks in my life. No, Playboy didn’t call. And no, someone did not mysteriously install a kegerator next to my bed during the middle of the night. The inevitables will have to wait until another day. Some things good, some things bad and some things quite heart wrenching have occurred. So grab your Slurpee, put the kids to bed and divulge yourself in my lame ass life in December 2007 (optional free Cinemax not included):
December 1: Dave, Darden, Diana and myself (also known as the one whose name does not start with “D”) headed out to cut down our Christmakah tree. This was the first time and Dave and I have cut down our tree instead of buying it from a tree lot. Christmas trees in Vail, for a 7-8′ tree, will run you around $100, where as cutting down your own costs $10 for the permit. By my calculations, that is a savings of 13.85 burritos or 360 donuts. Give me the saw. The forest service gives you this crappy, handmade drawing of what tree species are ok to chop down and which ones are illegal. The “tree guide” would have been more helpful if it were made out of dry macaroni by a preschooler, nevermind all of the trees are covered in snow. After careful deliberation, we selected a fine tree. Darden and Diana also selected a spectacular tree. Then we put them side by side. Whoops….ours was glowing bright blue, indicating it just might be a Blue Spruce. Guess what is illegal to cut down? A Blue Spruce. Well donkey nuts, would it bankrupt the forest service to provide actual pictures? Knock on my door, forest police……you will never get me or my tree alive (but it will be laying on the side of the road for garbage pick come the first week of January).
December 3rd (2:13 pm): Like clockwork, Kevin Armitage supplied my email inbox with an invitation to join his well run, multi-spreadsheet, college bowl pool. I immediately deleted it. The pain was just still too raw (see multiple posts below). I promptly ripped down my football schedule and try to print out the Duck basketball schedule. My printer ran out of ink and it wouldn’t print. I wept uncontrollably.
December 12: I got drunk at a cookie exchange the previous night and woke up concerned about my hangover and whether or not I was the only drunk person. I am relieved to find out that others were intoxicated. I am not relieved to have to go to work. I vow not to drink until Friday. I throw back a glass of wine late in the evening. I am pathetic.
December 14 (Friday): After a week of working, I was ready to gulp some beers. After we attended a fashion show for a friend, we headed back to work to drink some beers with friends/ coworkers. Since we were arriving late, I hastily parked my car parallel to the building, rushed into the building, grabbed a beer from the fridge and began to socialize. These guys were well on there way, so precious time could not be lost. After about an hour, the crowd started to thin out and we decided to head to E-Town (you know, because we like to mix up our bar scene). As we were walking out to the parking lot, the cleaning lady from next door drives up and starts to frantically spattering some nonsense, but with my newly acquired buzz I was mostly disinterested. But then all of that changed when I realized she wasn’t actually a nut job and she said these four words: Someone hit your car. Waawaawaawhat? She pointed to the bumper and then pointed where to perpitrator had been parked. She said it was a gray car and then pointed to Dave’s jacket and says “same color as you chaqueta”. Dave and I looked at each other and both shouted “Paul!”. I brushed off the snow on the bumper and I felt damage. Dave and I immediately got in an arguement, because unless you have never been in a relationship, this is what couples do in this situation….blame it on each other. We left in seperate cars and I texted Paul “Hey, did you accidentally hit me car.” Two seconds later my phone rang and he said ”I might of.” You could tell he felt terrible. You could also tell that he might, just might, have had a few cocktails. Hey, shit happens. I explained to him that Dave was actually angry with me for my parking selection and he immediately calls Dave to apologize. He is also frightened that I will blog about the incident (concern is now confirmed). I proceeded to leave my purse at work and my cell phone at the bar. It is safe to say the night could have been better. I did however, receive a stocking cap with woven animals humping each other as a thank you from our friends Stacie and Jeff. That definitely improved the evening. Moral of the story? I don’t like being banged in the tailpipe.
December 17: We heard some of the best quotes of the year in one night. We were bowling against Redneck, where he proceeded to drop these gems:
After I bowl a strike:
“Get in the truck!”
After Jenny bowls a strike:
“Get in the ditch!”
After Redneck bowls a strike and Dave tells him “to get in the truck”:
Good, did someone finally bring some good pot?”
Ah Redneck, you are an American Classic.
Picture taken from the Vail Trail website.
December 18: Five minutes left to go at work and I decided to check Perez Hilton one more time before I head out. Newest Headline: Britney’s Sister: Sixteen and Pregnant!!!! details to come. Yes, finally a news story worthy of the holidays!
December 19: I watched Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story for the 152nd time an still find it hilarious. Pepper needs new shorts!
December 20 (4:00 pm): Despite my pain, I submitted to my desire to gamble on bowl games and entered Kevin’s pool. I comforted myself by saving my excel spreadsheet picks under the name “Brook’s-Droppin the Kids of at the-Pool”. I giggled and felt a bit better. I will feel a whole lot better if I win the damn thing.
December 21: On this ill fated day, something occurred that, at this time, is really too early to tell if its impact will last as long as I feel it will. You see my friends, it was Friday and I was looking forward to a few days off for the holidays so I thought I would treat myself to a good lunch. Breaking the norm, a burrito sounded wonderful on this cold and somewhat snowy day. I picked up a burrito con pollo from Carneceria Tepic. Authentic, delicious burritos in my opinion. These are totally different from Illegal Petes, which while both burritos, that is where the similarities end. I ate about 2/3 of the burrito and was gripped with stomach pain. I began to sweat. I hit the bathroom a few times. I began to feel sad. I wrapped up the last 1/3 of the burrito and threw it away. I sat at my desk, lost in my own confusion and disbelief. The harsh reality is this: Due to my limited burrito eating over the last few years, my body cannot physically handle the deliciousness that is a burrito from Carneceria Tepic. After the epic pains I experienced yesterday I have come to the tramatic realization that that was mostly likely the last time I will eat that particular burrito (Petes is still a safe bet though). The ramifications are still being felt in my stomach today. You were good to me over the years, burrito con pollo, con arroz, con leche de crema, con frijoles y con queso, but I am no longer the woman I once was. You continue to reign strong, my burrito. Despite this last experience, my memories will always remain fond.
Today: Today something exciting is about to happen, but I will not post about it until it is confirmed. No I am not pregnant, the stomach pains from yesterday really were form the burrito, but I promise to post once this milestone is confirmed.
Stats for this entry:
Number of times I had to type a word on WORD to check spelling: 11
Number of words most likely still misspelled: At least 3
New number of times I had to type a word on WORD to check spelling since previous stat: 12
Happy Holidays!
